Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
