i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I supernannyed him into submission
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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