Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
