does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
FUCK WHALES
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