dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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