break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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