fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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