I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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