wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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