I wish my penis had an off switch
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
