nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
