A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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