I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
