when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize