I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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