marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
