Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
