My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
