Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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