I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
