oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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