Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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