the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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