I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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