I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
