he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You've changed since you got that strap on
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
