fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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