Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My liver just broke up with me...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
