ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize