i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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