totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
