wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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