I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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