It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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