Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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