how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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