thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
