so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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