also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
