I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
