Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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