I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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