I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
