the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
