I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
