I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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