If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
