i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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