the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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