He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
