Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
