I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
