Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
