It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
