I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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