Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The feeling are messing with the penis
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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