I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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