It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
