Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We smell like vodka and hangover
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