**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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