And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
